~I KNOW YOU BY HEART~
Mother's Day is just around the corner and I'm grateful once again my mother still lives this side of heaven. I visited her the other day in the little apartment she's called home for thirteen years now. She's packing for a local move which will take her farther from me, but one I know is probably in her best interest.
~MY BEAUTIFUL MOTHER~
The other day while scanning some old photos my mother loaned me I came across one that I don't recall ever seeing before. She must have been around the age of about eight or so the day it was taken... I say that not because I know for sure but because I lost my front teeth when I was seven and by the time I turned eight my big teeth had grown in. I figure the same was true for my mom.
As I looked at the picture and turned it over and over in my hands her steely blue eyes drew me in. I have no idea what came over me at the moment...maybe I'm just missing her...maybe I'm afraid of losing her...not sure. I only know for certain that all of a sudden I felt incredibly sad. One day my mother was young with her entire life ahead of her and then one day she wasn't...and it wasn't.
I asked her once what she wanted to do with her life.
She said "I wanted to go to college, but was never encouraged to do so! Then I met your father and...and...and..."
My mom's pushing eighty and I pray the years ahead will be good years for her.
She deserves it.
~LOTS OF MEMORIES~
These days as I watch my mother move about it isn't uncommon for me to squint just a little because when I do I can still see the form of the woman who raised me. In my heart she is very young and vibrant and looking stunning in her black dress, white gloves and pearl necklace. Her life is full of dreams. But that was long before the years of toil and heartache set in and the world in general became unkind. Living without her beloved, the only man she's ever loved, must be difficult.
Difficult? Did I say that?
That word doesn't even come close to the challenge it must be to watch someone you love slowly, continually lose their health (and mind) to heaven knows what. My father, of course, is still
incarcerated living in the nursing home with the MONSTER in his brain and she continues to visit him every single day.
All the while she is growing older...and more feeble...and more and more, well...old.
~MY GRANDFATHER'S GRADE SCHOOL 1915~
I watched my mother when I was just a child face many things. But watching her as an adult has taught me so many life lessons. Lessons about tolerance (she's deaf), lessons about forgiveness, lessons about grace, suffering, dignity and not folding when the hand you were dealt was less than what you'd hoped it would be.
~MY MOTHER'S DADDY at 8~
Those steely blue eyes of hers remind me of my grandfather's. They try to hide the fear of the unknown just like his did. But, just as she knew him, I know her. I know her well and see the raw side of her fear up-close. It's personal. It's life altering. It's real. Still, she refuses to settle for mediocrity, choosing instead to see only the good in the myriad of things spinning and spiraling about her....
She presses on. Her faith in the Most High leading and guiding her...
(Thinking of you, Momma! If the move doesn't work out you can come and live with me...)
I just started a new giveaway yesterday for this SWEET APRON fashioned with a darling Rachel Ashwell pink rose cotton! Check the details at the bottom of the post found HERE!
Hope your day is lovely...
Love to you~